Sept. 1, 2022

The Wrong F-Word


We're rejoined by our buddy Mike "Vander" Vanderveen who was recently disqualified from a comedy competition for saying the wrong F-word. Also, the White House is finally implementing some form of student loan forgiveness. And we try to guess which muppet is the most hung.

This week, the three Mikes talk about:

  • Comedy competition rules
  • Student loan forgiveness
  • Muppet genitals

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Follow Mike & Mike on Twitter:

Mike Shea - @mrmikeshea

Mike Wells - @mikewtfwells

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Check out our website for more fun stuff:

https://www.tblpod.net

Transcript

WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:04.000 I watch a lot of old movies. Um, I don't have time getting 2 00:00:04.040 --> 00:00:07.759 too much pussy. Good just to you. That was a dumb thing to 3 00:00:07.799 --> 00:00:11.080 say, and also some of us just live with a pussy. I also 4 00:00:11.080 --> 00:00:14.679 had two, three pussies at home, two cats. Yeah, anyways, 5 00:00:15.519 --> 00:00:21.719 I was gonna be like five pussies, forecats and a glory hole. His 6 00:00:21.879 --> 00:00:25.239 name's cookie, he says in the crazy cookie monster. Being on the other 7 00:00:25.280 --> 00:00:36.640 side of Glory Com. It's no longer. He's no longer the cookie MOMS, 8 00:00:36.640 --> 00:00:49.759 just the cock most dot com you see, just steal. Welcome to 9 00:00:49.840 --> 00:00:54.520 the Basement Lounge podcast, a deep dive into current events, a comedic look 10 00:00:54.560 --> 00:01:02.880 at a serious world, posted by Mike Shay and Mike Wells. Dude, 11 00:01:02.880 --> 00:01:06.319 this, this, the student thing is so Fu it's my favorites in the 12 00:01:06.319 --> 00:01:10.799 White House when after people, oh the sound ship that was. She was 13 00:01:11.200 --> 00:01:15.480 like a social media resentator for a New Jersey governor of this some like that, 14 00:01:15.799 --> 00:01:19.480 for the mayor's office. She's the one that's running that accountant. She 15 00:01:19.599 --> 00:01:26.120 brought the receipt so desting people. The number one troll on twitter right now 16 00:01:26.280 --> 00:01:30.680 is the White House. Those loans like p PP loans that you were forgetting 17 00:01:30.719 --> 00:01:36.439 what, and then people finding others, like student loans have been forgiven, 18 00:01:36.519 --> 00:01:40.480 like like far right people, and people were like is this shoe, this 19 00:01:40.560 --> 00:01:42.760 is how much you loans. You're forgiven. I was like, fuck you 20 00:01:42.879 --> 00:01:47.280 bitch, I just found out. I didn't know this, but since I 21 00:01:47.319 --> 00:01:49.920 worked for a nonprofit, if I worked there for five years, I can 22 00:01:49.920 --> 00:01:52.719 get student loan forgiveness, like completely, completely. It's like, Oh, 23 00:01:52.760 --> 00:01:57.680 okay, it's that's enticing me to because you're like you're like six figures and 24 00:01:59.000 --> 00:02:02.439 you have seventy five thousand. Because Melissa, because she's a teacher, she 25 00:02:02.519 --> 00:02:07.760 gets some already forgiven, but it's so hard. She actually got it right 26 00:02:07.799 --> 00:02:09.439 the first time. How they fill out that paperwork? Really it's just people 27 00:02:09.479 --> 00:02:13.000 that's been doing like three or four times and fail each time, like they 28 00:02:13.039 --> 00:02:15.919 just something Fox up on it, like for the teachers, for the teacher 29 00:02:15.919 --> 00:02:17.919 one, like they just fill out something wrong or check a box wrong. 30 00:02:19.400 --> 00:02:22.479 Well, like I said the other day, I'm less concerned with the dollar 31 00:02:22.520 --> 00:02:28.280 amount forgiven and more with them Um reeling in the interest rates. Oh yeah, 32 00:02:28.280 --> 00:02:30.360 well, that ship, that ship is kind of well, like my 33 00:02:30.400 --> 00:02:32.560 thing is I kind of argument with somebody. I was like they start charging 34 00:02:32.599 --> 00:02:38.039 you interest as soon as you take out the loan, and then the guy 35 00:02:38.159 --> 00:02:39.240 was like, no, they don't. Yeah, I was like yeah, 36 00:02:39.439 --> 00:02:42.319 they do. He's like now, if you're going to school, you don't 37 00:02:42.319 --> 00:02:46.000 have to pay it. I was like they literally start as soon as you 38 00:02:46.080 --> 00:02:47.719 take out. You don't have to pay it, but they start applying. 39 00:02:47.919 --> 00:02:53.599 Yeah, a cruise immediately. Yeah, you get like, I forget how 40 00:02:53.599 --> 00:02:55.039 many months after you stopped being in it, but it's also not when you 41 00:02:55.039 --> 00:02:58.680 fit, it's when you stop being full time. Yeah, so if you 42 00:02:58.759 --> 00:03:00.680 just dropped down to part time time after like I think it's six months to 43 00:03:00.719 --> 00:03:05.159 a year, that ship you gotta start. Maybe it's three months. I 44 00:03:05.159 --> 00:03:07.479 think it's three. Yeah, you guys are paying that back. You don't 45 00:03:07.479 --> 00:03:10.639 have to pay, but your careering interest the entire time. Yeah, yeah, 46 00:03:12.000 --> 00:03:15.039 I'm super glad that I skipped on college and went to prison instead. 47 00:03:17.400 --> 00:03:23.240 It was just the most I'm glad you that's actually good. But financially going 48 00:03:23.280 --> 00:03:28.840 to prison was the best thing that ever happens. They gave me twenty dollars 49 00:03:28.919 --> 00:03:34.719 a month instead of me having to owe student loans out to the School of 50 00:03:34.719 --> 00:03:37.360 hard knocks. So I said the other. That's what I said on face 51 00:03:37.400 --> 00:03:39.120 with the other day, is I'm like, yeah, they're gonna forgive I 52 00:03:39.120 --> 00:03:42.439 think. I think I might qualify for the twenty because I did get the 53 00:03:42.439 --> 00:03:45.840 Pell Gran at one point. But it's like I'm still gonna be paying like 54 00:03:46.280 --> 00:03:50.560 over five hundred bucks a month for the next years. Dude, God, 55 00:03:50.639 --> 00:03:53.560 we pay so much fucking money in student Lans, me and my wife that 56 00:03:53.439 --> 00:04:00.080 she did school teaching, so she was in longer. Yeah, but like 57 00:04:00.759 --> 00:04:05.400 Hu like like a thousand dollars a month. I don't know, don't you 58 00:04:05.479 --> 00:04:13.280 pay? Thank God, I'm a fucking idiot. Thank God. I don't 59 00:04:13.280 --> 00:04:15.840 know, it just it cracks me up. The White House troll and everybody 60 00:04:15.879 --> 00:04:17.360 was like the greatest thing. Now on the man, I've never come to 61 00:04:17.399 --> 00:04:24.879 twitter, but being like remember this. I was like I've never called in 62 00:04:25.040 --> 00:04:31.839 GTS face or I was about to say anybody fucking destroying Marjorie uh tyler green, 63 00:04:32.000 --> 00:04:39.519 Taylor Green or tyler. Who Cares? That bitch? That bitch just 64 00:04:39.639 --> 00:04:42.959 the fucking worst. But yeah, I kind of forgot that it was her 65 00:04:43.079 --> 00:04:47.879 that they like attacked. They were like you received like fourteen millions or one 66 00:04:47.920 --> 00:04:51.319 point four no, hers is like two. One of them was like a 67 00:04:51.399 --> 00:04:57.319 lot millions, was in the millions, and then like Kurt Schilling, who 68 00:04:57.399 --> 00:05:00.959 was pictured, uh, like, I don't think he's gonna make the hall 69 00:05:01.000 --> 00:05:03.639 of fame, but he complained and somebody was like didn't you like the government 70 00:05:03.639 --> 00:05:06.360 bail you out, because, like are the state of New Jersey bailed you 71 00:05:06.360 --> 00:05:11.000 out because you had a failing soft video game development company. Gave you all 72 00:05:11.040 --> 00:05:13.680 this money, but then you end up taking the money from the employees. 73 00:05:13.720 --> 00:05:20.319 anyways, he didn't. WHOA? I did not know about that. Yeah, 74 00:05:20.319 --> 00:05:24.879 he had a video game development company and then like it just didn't work 75 00:05:25.600 --> 00:05:27.720 and so like the state of, I think it was like New Jersey, 76 00:05:27.759 --> 00:05:31.120 came in like gave him a ton of money and like I don't think he 77 00:05:31.160 --> 00:05:33.920 paid all the employees of money or something weird happening with the money after that. 78 00:05:33.959 --> 00:05:39.560 But I was like this is so funny and Sall players or some of 79 00:05:39.600 --> 00:05:42.959 the scummiest fucking people in the world. Oh did I I used to troll 80 00:05:43.000 --> 00:05:48.639 Aubrey huff all the time. Oh yeah, the troll Aubrey huff all the 81 00:05:48.680 --> 00:05:53.800 time. My favorite one right now is is that ship. I posted that 82 00:05:53.920 --> 00:05:57.199 Kevin Sorbo said. Oh God, Hercules, did you see that ship? 83 00:05:57.800 --> 00:06:01.480 Mander? It's my body, my choice, he said. So my body, 84 00:06:01.560 --> 00:06:04.959 my choice, except for when it comes to student loan debt. That's 85 00:06:05.399 --> 00:06:12.199 I'm just like what. First off, I'd like, you stole that from 86 00:06:12.279 --> 00:06:15.040 somebody, right, you didn't write that. Second of all, he's been 87 00:06:15.079 --> 00:06:23.079 off his fucking rocket for like ever since. What happened then? I don't 88 00:06:23.079 --> 00:06:29.639 know. Some asshole. Some asshole probably did something. He's a piece of 89 00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:32.800 ship. Somebody try to like. I didn't like. This is how bad 90 00:06:32.839 --> 00:06:35.199 some people have gotten. One it comes like the trump and the FBI rate. 91 00:06:35.759 --> 00:06:39.680 Somebody was like do you really know why they rated? The F FBI 92 00:06:39.759 --> 00:06:42.279 rated trump, and I was like I didn't. I didn't ignore it because 93 00:06:42.279 --> 00:06:43.800 I was like, yeah, he had. I didn't want to say he 94 00:06:43.839 --> 00:06:46.120 had documents because I neither hardn know he did it. This something like deeper 95 00:06:46.160 --> 00:06:49.439 than that. I'm like, are you fucking talking about? Like literally, 96 00:06:50.000 --> 00:06:55.079 what it what's for? I hate people. It's annoying when all the ship 97 00:06:55.199 --> 00:06:58.920 that like he gets targeted for. They're just all they have to do is 98 00:06:58.920 --> 00:07:01.879 say it didn't have and what are you talking about? Like that's all anybody 99 00:07:01.920 --> 00:07:05.600 has to do. That's their argument. Is just he'd literally have sex with 100 00:07:05.639 --> 00:07:09.199 his daughter and people like no, he never said that, and you pull 101 00:07:09.279 --> 00:07:12.120 up the clip and you're like there you go, and they'll still be like 102 00:07:12.600 --> 00:07:15.600 no, that was photo shopped, photo shopped his lips and the sound of 103 00:07:15.600 --> 00:07:20.639 his voice. mean it was a really good impression. I didn't know what 104 00:07:20.720 --> 00:07:27.040 he meant. He would rape his daughter. Realistic, I have consentual sex. 105 00:07:27.240 --> 00:07:29.639 Yeah, he didn't say I'd be dating her. He said got, 106 00:07:29.720 --> 00:07:31.600 got you. Okay, be rape. It sounds the same. Gotcha, 107 00:07:31.839 --> 00:07:38.920 got you. I mean he was right. Did you see the rack? 108 00:07:40.160 --> 00:07:42.720 Would you fuck the Statue of Liberty? I got the Statue of Liberty was 109 00:07:42.800 --> 00:07:46.040 hot. If it was a person, someone, it wasn't from from ghostbusters, 110 00:07:46.120 --> 00:07:47.920 just like you. Ever wonder if she's naked under there? I mean 111 00:07:47.959 --> 00:07:53.439 she is French, I wonder. I bet she was hot, though. 112 00:07:53.720 --> 00:07:57.600 Yeah, sure, I bet. I bet the Mona Lisa fucking. I 113 00:07:57.600 --> 00:07:59.720 feel like Mona Lisa was a bit. I feel like she was a bit, 114 00:08:00.240 --> 00:08:03.680 but I bet she gave great head. Nah, looks like look a 115 00:08:03.720 --> 00:08:07.120 little, a little thin, but she knows how to work that tongue. 116 00:08:07.319 --> 00:08:11.199 I'm willing to bet. That's why she's not smiling. I want to paint. 117 00:08:13.079 --> 00:08:15.920 I want to fucking man paine because that means I'm sucking off my rocker 118 00:08:16.000 --> 00:08:20.560 and acid. Always like I've always wanted to always want to marry a van. 119 00:08:20.399 --> 00:08:24.519 Always want to marry a vengo pain because they're they're worth a million dollars 120 00:08:24.519 --> 00:08:30.279 but funked up in the face. I've never told that on stage. I 121 00:08:30.399 --> 00:08:33.799 want Um. Did you see the ship that Gina Karana is doing now? 122 00:08:35.720 --> 00:08:39.080 Is I'm not that like Western? No, she's doing a there's a movie 123 00:08:39.120 --> 00:08:43.879 being made about and I swear to God this is real. It's a movie 124 00:08:43.879 --> 00:08:50.080 being made about the Hunter Biden Laptop thing and she's starring in it as an 125 00:08:50.120 --> 00:08:54.759 extra. No, she's she's in it. It's called my son, Hunter 126 00:08:54.639 --> 00:09:01.559 Um, directed by Robert Davy, Lawrence Fogg and John James. I guess 127 00:09:01.600 --> 00:09:07.159 the thing is about this laptop thing is like what I do. I'm just 128 00:09:07.200 --> 00:09:09.600 saying because I found this on twitter and it was like, can you believe 129 00:09:09.600 --> 00:09:11.639 that in a one and a half years she's gone from being on the verge 130 00:09:11.960 --> 00:09:18.519 of getting her own star wars spinoff to starting in a Bright Bart Produced Hunter 131 00:09:18.639 --> 00:09:24.360 Biden movie. The first thing that says is Bright Bart says the film is 132 00:09:24.679 --> 00:09:30.200 not a true story, except for all the facts. I hate bright barts 133 00:09:30.200 --> 00:09:35.039 so much, the fucking words. It's like it's like that's like you're better 134 00:09:35.080 --> 00:09:41.039 off just selling, like selling nudes. That's just coming out next week. 135 00:09:41.279 --> 00:09:46.080 I'm just gonna Watch it. Trump was off. No, it's just gonna 136 00:09:46.120 --> 00:09:56.200 be like every every forty year old male that I'm knew it. Honey, 137 00:09:56.240 --> 00:10:00.200 come in here and we fucking knew it. It's just it's like one of 138 00:10:00.240 --> 00:10:03.200 those things is like what does this laptop have to do with anything? Remember 139 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:07.399 when they leaked they found it and leaked it all that ship and I was 140 00:10:07.440 --> 00:10:11.080 like this is so you leaked his cracked out videos. Everybody knows he smoked 141 00:10:11.200 --> 00:10:18.159 crack. Cool, awesome. Like tell me something nobody already didn't know. 142 00:10:18.440 --> 00:10:22.200 So what you're saying is he's cool as fun. So what you're telling me 143 00:10:22.279 --> 00:10:26.519 is the is the recovering addict. At one point used drugs and hook like 144 00:10:26.840 --> 00:10:31.919 yeah, this is everything everybody already knew. Trust me, anybody who's using 145 00:10:31.960 --> 00:10:35.799 cocaine is fucking hookers. It's a package deal. You get it's it's you 146 00:10:35.840 --> 00:10:39.600 get a discount. It's like I'm sitting there, I'm like, Oh my 147 00:10:39.679 --> 00:10:45.080 God, this is hunter bids laptops, just like one of those like speaking 148 00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:52.679 spills. It's one of those were those Little v Tech kids laptop the size 149 00:10:52.720 --> 00:10:56.559 of regular laptop but the screen was like that big and he just played letter 150 00:10:56.600 --> 00:10:58.240 games. The whole thing isn't so. With Hillary, it was like her 151 00:10:58.600 --> 00:11:03.799 email, but like she went in front of Committee for I don't know, 152 00:11:03.879 --> 00:11:05.519 God knows how many hours. But it was a secure server, wasn't it? 153 00:11:05.600 --> 00:11:07.519 Or something like that? Yeah, it was. It was a server. 154 00:11:07.600 --> 00:11:11.240 It was a secure server that already existed in the house because because bill 155 00:11:11.279 --> 00:11:15.600 put it there, which means it probably was just full of porn. Yeah, 156 00:11:15.799 --> 00:11:20.759 but that's yeah. And and then with hunter, with Joe Biden, 157 00:11:20.759 --> 00:11:24.320 it was hunter Biden's laptop. So not even Joe, but what trumpet's like? 158 00:11:26.279 --> 00:11:31.360 He cheated on his wife multiple time. He fucked the prostitute, the 159 00:11:31.399 --> 00:11:35.799 porn star, Porn Star, he fucking had six businesses to go up, 160 00:11:35.879 --> 00:11:39.799 filed bankruptcy six times and then I stole all these documents. Like what? 161 00:11:39.919 --> 00:11:43.679 I don't, why is it? What? Don't begin. He started on 162 00:11:43.720 --> 00:11:46.960 trump university. Oh, Gosh, I think, which I think is still 163 00:11:46.000 --> 00:11:50.840 in litigation Um, and I think. I think they said that like the 164 00:11:50.879 --> 00:11:58.440 FBI, uh, that the D O J has the they have the the 165 00:11:58.519 --> 00:12:01.399 warrant or whatever of what the FBI was looking for when they rated it. 166 00:12:01.480 --> 00:12:05.440 Yeah, like they like they've been getting. The J has been given a 167 00:12:05.480 --> 00:12:11.480 copy because because the January six committee still the thing, right. Yeah, 168 00:12:11.600 --> 00:12:15.679 yeah, so they've got because I know they got a copy of Alex Jones's 169 00:12:16.080 --> 00:12:18.480 cell phone ship. Oh my God, that because, yeah, because you 170 00:12:18.679 --> 00:12:22.480 heard about the whole cell phone fiasco, right, did you hear about that? 171 00:12:22.799 --> 00:12:26.480 Alex Jones? I mean I know that he was like on trial for 172 00:12:26.600 --> 00:12:30.440 something about the Sandy Hook. So he's being sued because of all the ship 173 00:12:30.519 --> 00:12:35.279 that he said about Sandy Hook thing. Well, his lawyers in in Discovery. 174 00:12:35.720 --> 00:12:37.720 We're trying to just give certain things too. Yeah, and they accidentally 175 00:12:37.759 --> 00:12:41.120 gave it a whole. Yeah. Well, now the January six committee, 176 00:12:41.120 --> 00:12:46.039 because now it's available to everybody, it's not considered privileged information. The January 177 00:12:46.080 --> 00:12:48.919 six committee reached out to the lawyers and we're like who had it? Were 178 00:12:48.919 --> 00:12:50.600 like yeah, we get a copy of that, and they were like yeah, 179 00:12:50.600 --> 00:12:56.159 you got I got your fan. That's fine, he's so fucked. 180 00:12:56.679 --> 00:13:01.279 NO SNAKE OIL IS gonna get no, no, Oh, just looks like 181 00:13:01.200 --> 00:13:07.399 what's that? One rock monster and Pokemon, the Pokemon Rock Guy, G 182 00:13:07.600 --> 00:13:09.679 O, dude, I don't know, but it looks like that. If 183 00:13:09.679 --> 00:13:16.559 he lost his way, I just greased himself up real nice slat. I've 184 00:13:16.559 --> 00:13:20.519 been drinking. If you guys like to reach out to us and be a 185 00:13:20.559 --> 00:13:24.559 part of the show, be a part of the conversation, there are several 186 00:13:24.600 --> 00:13:28.519 ways to do that. Just go to our website, www dot t b 187 00:13:28.799 --> 00:13:33.080 l pod Dot net. That's www dot t b l pod Dot net. 188 00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:37.240 You can send us a message through the website, or you can even leave 189 00:13:37.320 --> 00:13:41.120 us a voicemail by clicking on the voicemail button in the corner of the screen 190 00:13:41.440 --> 00:13:43.960 and leave us a message that we will respond to live on the show. 191 00:13:45.240 --> 00:13:48.360 Once again, just go to www dot t b l pod Dot net. 192 00:13:50.080 --> 00:13:56.240 I'd rather say fuck on stage and get disqualified. Yeah, just fucking just 193 00:13:56.279 --> 00:14:03.000 go up there. Five every judge's Gored Card said Fuck five times. That's 194 00:14:03.039 --> 00:14:05.480 funny. And at no point they at no point did they think like I 195 00:14:05.519 --> 00:14:09.080 wonder if our F word rule is vague I think that you think they'll know 196 00:14:09.120 --> 00:14:15.200 what we're talking about. Another comic, and I told you guys this before, 197 00:14:15.240 --> 00:14:16.240 another comic, is the one that told me that it was the gay 198 00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:20.080 slayer. It wasn't, of course, because you put it in the same 199 00:14:20.120 --> 00:14:24.320 sentence as the n word, I'm going to assume it's hate speech you're trying 200 00:14:24.360 --> 00:14:28.919 to ban, which I get. Don't say the N Word and don't say 201 00:14:28.960 --> 00:14:31.840 the bad fk word. Okay, that's fine. That's an easy rule to 202 00:14:31.879 --> 00:14:33.360 follow. Made a lot of sense to me at the time. So you're 203 00:14:33.360 --> 00:14:37.000 telling me I could have gone up there and said cunt a million times, 204 00:14:37.080 --> 00:14:41.159 but as long as I didn't say funny. Okay, that's not that's literally 205 00:14:41.320 --> 00:14:45.399 how how it is. If you go out to uh, that's the one 206 00:14:45.440 --> 00:14:48.559 in indie crackers. They have the same role. They're like at the open 207 00:14:48.600 --> 00:14:52.440 MIC, they're like you can't say fuck, you can say anything else, 208 00:14:52.919 --> 00:14:54.320 you can't say fun and I'm like, so I can go up there and 209 00:14:54.399 --> 00:14:58.720 talk about getting sucked off and sucking a chicken her cut and they're like yeah, 210 00:14:58.879 --> 00:15:00.720 she's like, if you're black, you to say the n word, 211 00:15:00.759 --> 00:15:05.440 I don't care, you just can't say fun and I'm like, people have 212 00:15:05.480 --> 00:15:11.840 the n word, white people have fun like that's aunt. We have cunt 213 00:15:11.559 --> 00:15:15.679 Um. So, for those who don't know what we're talking about, first 214 00:15:15.679 --> 00:15:18.399 of all, Vander's back on the show. He's been here for a while 215 00:15:18.440 --> 00:15:24.200 now. Be Third Voice. That that fucking guy. Um. So you 216 00:15:24.240 --> 00:15:30.360 were doing the contest over at funny bone clash, clash the comics, and 217 00:15:30.399 --> 00:15:33.159 there was a rule that there you weren't allowed to. The rule said you're 218 00:15:33.159 --> 00:15:37.919 not allowed to say the F word and the n word in parentheses. You 219 00:15:37.960 --> 00:15:43.840 know which ones? Yes, evidently I didn't. Apparently you didn't. Um. 220 00:15:43.879 --> 00:15:48.639 Now apparently it's been changed, changed, and I hear they're giving you 221 00:15:48.679 --> 00:15:52.039 a do over. Yeah, so I messaged the guy that runs it. 222 00:15:52.039 --> 00:15:56.799 I'm not gonna drop his name. I think my family wants to beat his 223 00:15:56.919 --> 00:16:00.519 ASS, but I don't to my family. It's not me. I respect 224 00:16:00.559 --> 00:16:03.799 that. I get it. He's a good dude, a great comic. 225 00:16:03.000 --> 00:16:07.679 But I messaged him and I said because I was concerned. The email actually 226 00:16:07.720 --> 00:16:11.600 said that like, if you violate these rules, you may be completely disqualified 227 00:16:11.600 --> 00:16:15.600 from ever doing a clash ever again. So I messaged him to make sure 228 00:16:15.639 --> 00:16:18.720 that they that that wasn't gonna Happen, that I wasn't banned for life. 229 00:16:18.559 --> 00:16:22.440 Um, and he said no, we have one spot left for the UH 230 00:16:22.519 --> 00:16:26.480 September show. put the email in now if you want to get on it. 231 00:16:26.519 --> 00:16:30.679 So I sent the email immediately and I got back in and they changed 232 00:16:30.720 --> 00:16:33.399 the email. Now it says you can't say the F word or the N 233 00:16:33.440 --> 00:16:37.200 word. The F word is fuck, but you probably shouldn't say the other 234 00:16:37.240 --> 00:16:44.679 one either. I started a movement. I started I try to get on 235 00:16:44.720 --> 00:16:47.720 the September one, but that's what you took the last one. Really, 236 00:16:48.200 --> 00:16:52.960 I'm still I would Forford, I would forfeit my spot to you if I 237 00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:56.039 wasn't like coming back with a goddamn vengeance. That's a big deal. I 238 00:16:56.080 --> 00:17:00.200 still don't know if I even want to try signing up for it because I 239 00:17:00.279 --> 00:17:03.120 don't know if I could get people to come. Oh, I know, 240 00:17:03.120 --> 00:17:04.640 I definitely couldn't get people coming. They can get people come. Fuck them. 241 00:17:04.759 --> 00:17:10.599 Yeah, John John, there's who I am anyways. So it's kind 242 00:17:10.599 --> 00:17:12.519 of like I'll never host there. Just what it is. I think this 243 00:17:12.680 --> 00:17:15.880 last time they wouldn't have cared. Like everybody there was only seven out of 244 00:17:15.920 --> 00:17:19.759 ten. Three people didn't show up. Uh, I don't think they really 245 00:17:19.799 --> 00:17:23.119 would have cared. It was. It was a decent crowd. A lot 246 00:17:23.119 --> 00:17:26.039 of people brought like quite a few like there. I think there were three 247 00:17:26.079 --> 00:17:30.559 comics that brought more than fifteen people each, and I think I had like 248 00:17:30.599 --> 00:17:37.079 eleven there. And is that they like the physic it's audience vote and they 249 00:17:37.160 --> 00:17:38.720 can they vote for multiple or how does it? How does it work? 250 00:17:40.240 --> 00:17:45.640 No, it's five judges with like a scoring system. They judge on continuity, 251 00:17:45.279 --> 00:17:51.079 laughs per minute, stage presence. Uh Uh. I was told there'd 252 00:17:51.079 --> 00:17:53.400 being a math. Oh No, it was all math. All the judges 253 00:17:53.519 --> 00:18:00.880 literally had to do Math Story Cal West J UH tells. I felt guilty. 254 00:18:00.920 --> 00:18:04.559 I was like, I let cow down. Really, how dare I? 255 00:18:04.640 --> 00:18:08.119 You didn't let cow down. The rules like cow down right, but 256 00:18:08.599 --> 00:18:12.839 I forget. Last per minute is such a like. That's why Ryan Won. 257 00:18:14.119 --> 00:18:18.599 His set is so like punching the mouth, punching the laugh after laugh 258 00:18:18.640 --> 00:18:21.440 atter laugh like. That's one of the main reasons he won, which he's 259 00:18:21.440 --> 00:18:23.200 great. I think he definitely deserve to win. Yeah, Ryan's awesome, 260 00:18:23.240 --> 00:18:26.359 but that's where I lack. I can't get lots of laughs per minute because 261 00:18:26.400 --> 00:18:32.839 all of my materials well, also last per minute very so if it's a 262 00:18:32.920 --> 00:18:36.599 laugh here, one it's like a really big laugh. It's there like two, 263 00:18:37.480 --> 00:18:41.079 it's like an applause breaks there like three or four. That's how make 264 00:18:41.160 --> 00:18:45.039 it down because, like I take a sect to get to my punch lines, 265 00:18:45.079 --> 00:18:48.519 but my punch lines typically land pretty heavy. It just takes me seck 266 00:18:48.599 --> 00:18:51.039 to get there. So I don't know, I want to hear laughs per 267 00:18:51.039 --> 00:18:53.640 minute. It reminds me of that. Do you remember the this is early 268 00:18:53.680 --> 00:19:00.480 two thousands. This thing popped up online where you could measure the amount of 269 00:19:00.559 --> 00:19:04.720 laughter in your comedy clip and it would score your your clip. So they 270 00:19:06.599 --> 00:19:08.000 did a whole you're seen. You've seen the I am comic right, the 271 00:19:08.039 --> 00:19:11.720 documentary? Have you seen it? Because a documentary called I am. It's 272 00:19:11.720 --> 00:19:15.680 actually a really good documentary about stand up if you can find it. But 273 00:19:15.400 --> 00:19:21.079 there was this website and you could, like you hit space bar to start 274 00:19:21.079 --> 00:19:25.279 the timer when the laughter started in your when you're like playing a clip, 275 00:19:25.319 --> 00:19:27.000 and you press space bar again to stop it when you get to the end 276 00:19:27.039 --> 00:19:32.680 the clip. It measures like the percentage of laughter during your clip and whether 277 00:19:32.759 --> 00:19:36.279 or not if it reaches a certain like threshold if it's considered, you know, 278 00:19:36.720 --> 00:19:38.319 good or not. And I'm like okay, but like what if? 279 00:19:38.400 --> 00:19:42.559 What if I'm like Ryan and I'm getting a bunch of quick punches as opposed 280 00:19:42.599 --> 00:19:48.960 to like how funny a joke is is not measured in how long everybody laughs 281 00:19:48.039 --> 00:19:52.680 for. It's it's almost like a Mark Martin Norman. It's funny, but 282 00:19:52.799 --> 00:19:57.480 his like when his jokes hit, they don't necessarily it's like, but, 283 00:19:57.480 --> 00:20:02.559 but he doesn't really have a but you get lots of chuckles, chuckles, 284 00:20:02.640 --> 00:20:04.920 yeah, not a whole lot of hearty guffas. Sam Mourel's way different. 285 00:20:04.960 --> 00:20:11.559 SAMUREL's like yeah, Samurel his ship lands. Yeah, so it's it's it's 286 00:20:11.640 --> 00:20:15.720 kind of interest. It's kind of I know it's very interesting. Last perman, 287 00:20:15.759 --> 00:20:18.319 it's very weird and some people don't even like like going off that. 288 00:20:18.799 --> 00:20:21.440 Yeah, it's just it's just when you, when you tell me, when 289 00:20:21.480 --> 00:20:23.519 you start saying we're judging you by like your laughs per minuted, I'm like 290 00:20:23.559 --> 00:20:27.480 don't, don't put science in this. Why it's I don't try to put 291 00:20:27.480 --> 00:20:30.359 science in my I don't think like a good lap perman. It's like fourteen 292 00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:33.559 or something like that. So if you think about it's like what it's like 293 00:20:33.559 --> 00:20:40.000 a laugh every four seconds. It's very weird. But like when you read 294 00:20:40.039 --> 00:20:42.359 the book, it breaks down to like it breaks down Mathm Act or so 295 00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:48.359 I'm like, okay, what else? So they throw up, they throw 296 00:20:48.400 --> 00:20:52.119 out your highest score and your lowest score. So the judge that scored you 297 00:20:52.119 --> 00:20:56.160 the best and the judge scored you the worst thrown out and the three in 298 00:20:56.200 --> 00:21:02.359 the middle they add up to total. Every every category is one through five. 299 00:21:03.039 --> 00:21:08.119 The average it or no, they just added yeah, so each judge 300 00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:11.000 will will add up their own individual scores, like out of the I think 301 00:21:11.000 --> 00:21:17.000 it's out of five categories. I can't I can't name every single one off 302 00:21:17.039 --> 00:21:19.880 the top of my head, but yeah, it's some total. And then 303 00:21:19.880 --> 00:21:23.240 they added those middle three judges and that's your finals. Four to six last 304 00:21:23.240 --> 00:21:27.359 per minute. I'm sorry, okay, but like there's they score it weird. 305 00:21:27.440 --> 00:21:33.000 It's a very weird score. Oh, time, like the amount of 306 00:21:33.039 --> 00:21:36.359 time that you do. So you get the light at four thirty. If 307 00:21:36.359 --> 00:21:40.119 you end it at four thirty, yeah, if you end it before that, 308 00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:41.279 you get no points for a time. If you end it at four 309 00:21:41.440 --> 00:21:45.480 thirty, you get one point. If you ended it for forty, you 310 00:21:45.519 --> 00:21:51.000 get two points. For fifty, three points and I think four, fifty, 311 00:21:51.200 --> 00:21:56.400 five, four points. I landed exactly on five point. Zero, 312 00:21:56.480 --> 00:21:59.119 zero. Did you really? Yeah, he showed me when I was on 313 00:21:59.119 --> 00:22:00.839 my way back. He didn't tell me at the time that I was disqualified, 314 00:22:02.119 --> 00:22:03.079 but he was like, Dude, you pocking. He showed me the 315 00:22:03.319 --> 00:22:07.759 tablet he was like you got it right there. Your goals to get right 316 00:22:07.759 --> 00:22:10.880 to five. Yeah, okay, then you get the full five points and 317 00:22:10.920 --> 00:22:14.880 if you go there's probably like a second or two wiggle room to go over. 318 00:22:15.039 --> 00:22:17.359 But yeah, if you go to like five, was one guy that 319 00:22:17.400 --> 00:22:19.000 was up there for like six and a half minutes. He didn't see the 320 00:22:19.079 --> 00:22:23.440 light and so he got, first of all, four thirty is. That's 321 00:22:23.480 --> 00:22:30.160 weird. That's cutting it close, because I spent all day like going over 322 00:22:30.200 --> 00:22:33.400 my set over and over again trying to account for like potential laugh breaks. 323 00:22:33.559 --> 00:22:36.200 Yeah, like, if you, if you, if you like me at 324 00:22:36.279 --> 00:22:38.640 four. That gives me a full minute to okay, let's I can, 325 00:22:38.680 --> 00:22:42.880 I can, I can um of course, correct to get to the end 326 00:22:42.920 --> 00:22:47.640 on time. You give me thirty seconds. I need I need those thirty 327 00:22:47.680 --> 00:22:51.720 seconds to figure out how to right. I don't know, I don't like 328 00:22:51.920 --> 00:22:55.160 if I'm in the middle, it doesn't matter. You give me the ten 329 00:22:55.240 --> 00:22:59.720 second light. I got two jokes right, I got a minute left. 330 00:22:59.720 --> 00:23:03.440 Here's more jokes, ship. I don't know, I'm I just I'm a 331 00:23:03.480 --> 00:23:10.039 little I don't know. I don't like incorporating that much math and science into 332 00:23:10.559 --> 00:23:15.160 comedy. It was a challenge and it was definitely know everything is like when 333 00:23:15.160 --> 00:23:18.240 you try to break it down. You can try to break it down and 334 00:23:18.240 --> 00:23:19.480 try to stick to five minutes, but, like you're it's so hard to 335 00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:22.000 do because you gotta count for laughter, and a lot of people don't account 336 00:23:22.000 --> 00:23:25.640 for laughter. If you get, if you, if you, if you 337 00:23:25.759 --> 00:23:26.559 like, get in the zone and you get your dreaming going, you might 338 00:23:26.559 --> 00:23:30.200 start talking faster. Not realize that you might. You might be. I 339 00:23:30.240 --> 00:23:32.960 get really in the zone. That's what happens to me. I'm like hit 340 00:23:33.000 --> 00:23:34.759 him, hit him. Yeah, I can. I can usually tell the 341 00:23:34.799 --> 00:23:38.359 reasons some of your stuff doesn't. Maybe land is because you're talking so fast. 342 00:23:38.400 --> 00:23:41.279 People don't know what the funk you just said. Oh yeah, because, 343 00:23:41.279 --> 00:23:45.359 like those of us who know your ship know what you just said like, 344 00:23:45.359 --> 00:23:47.960 oh, he just but you can tell the people that read are like 345 00:23:47.960 --> 00:23:52.079 like you just say so. When you get in the zone it's kind of 346 00:23:52.079 --> 00:23:52.880 like, oh shoot, I need hit him now, I need to him 347 00:23:52.880 --> 00:24:00.319 now. But it's fucking funny. I hate comedy. Last night's show was 348 00:24:00.400 --> 00:24:04.680 so bad at Wiley. Was It really? They were so uptight. Oh, 349 00:24:04.839 --> 00:24:11.640 no, they were so uptight. No, the audience was like really 350 00:24:11.680 --> 00:24:15.680 so uptight and like any dark material, which is whatever. But like I'm 351 00:24:15.839 --> 00:24:18.319 going and I was like these people are just bad. Like one guy did, 352 00:24:18.480 --> 00:24:22.039 one guy had to get set. That's it. How Rogers do you 353 00:24:22.119 --> 00:24:25.279 hosting? Uh, he did okay, host wise. I mean it was 354 00:24:25.319 --> 00:24:30.640 a good host set. Rogers. Okay, I might sitting there and like 355 00:24:30.920 --> 00:24:34.319 he's t Moore fucking tight ship. So I just to go up there. 356 00:24:36.119 --> 00:24:38.640 I do. I do a joke. Carl went up and then jody went 357 00:24:38.720 --> 00:24:41.119 up. I was like get up for jody, Joey looks like a Carl 358 00:24:41.160 --> 00:24:48.119 transitioned to a white woman named Karen. That's funny. They lost their minds 359 00:24:48.200 --> 00:24:53.559 and I was like, because Carl was literally wearing fucking he was wearing crocs 360 00:24:53.640 --> 00:25:00.440 on stage. Carl was like, Carl really said like I'm wearing crocks on 361 00:25:00.480 --> 00:25:03.240 stage. I don't give a funk, like I've given up. I was 362 00:25:03.240 --> 00:25:06.039 like give up for Carl wearing crocs on stage. That's some like big Dick 363 00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:11.000 Energy, but he's Asian, so that's some medium Dick. And then they 364 00:25:11.000 --> 00:25:17.039 were like really, okay. So I was like wait a second, you 365 00:25:17.119 --> 00:25:19.720 heard you heard one. I was like you hear one? Kid set what 366 00:25:19.799 --> 00:25:22.960 he said, but I took that too far. I was like fuck you, 367 00:25:22.039 --> 00:25:26.799 guys. Jesus. It was to the point they were so uptight. 368 00:25:26.920 --> 00:25:29.519 I did my dad kid joke. I didn't even warn them about it. 369 00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:37.119 Just like Jesus. I told you, Robin, that was going on after 370 00:25:37.119 --> 00:25:40.559 me and I was like don't do dark stuff, like when he was coming 371 00:25:40.680 --> 00:25:42.839 up and Joe did dark did like one dark joke. He's like, God 372 00:25:42.920 --> 00:25:48.559 damn, Michael's right. You guys don't like dark stuff at all. Now 373 00:25:48.599 --> 00:25:52.200 you can rep the basement lounge out in public by checking out some of the 374 00:25:52.200 --> 00:25:57.480 merch that we have available on our website. Just go to tbl pod dot 375 00:25:57.519 --> 00:26:03.400 net slash store. It's tbl pod dot net slash store, and check out 376 00:26:03.440 --> 00:26:07.079 some of the t shirt and other merch designs we have for you, featuring 377 00:26:07.119 --> 00:26:11.680 our logo, some of our favorite bits, as well as a homegrown humor 378 00:26:11.759 --> 00:26:15.039 official t shirt as well. Once again, just go to t b l 379 00:26:15.119 --> 00:26:18.119 pod dot net slash store and check out some of the cool merch we have 380 00:26:18.200 --> 00:26:23.640 there for you. Now, I watch a lot of old movies. Um, 381 00:26:23.680 --> 00:26:27.079 I don't have time getting too much pussy. Good. Just kid you. 382 00:26:27.720 --> 00:26:30.160 That was a dumb thing to say, and some of us just live 383 00:26:30.200 --> 00:26:33.599 with a pussy. I also have two, three pussies at home. Two 384 00:26:33.680 --> 00:26:40.000 cats. Yeah, anyways, was gonna be like five pussies, fore cats 385 00:26:40.319 --> 00:26:45.720 and a glory hole. His name's cookie, he says in the crazy being 386 00:26:45.759 --> 00:26:57.279 on the other side of it's no longer he's no longer the cookie MOMS, 387 00:26:57.400 --> 00:27:11.359 just the Cock Monster Monster Dot com talk. Ye, just feeling. He's 388 00:27:11.359 --> 00:27:15.720 just got dried up stains of it all in his for puppet. You going, 389 00:27:15.799 --> 00:27:19.440 no, not again. Why is it when he blows me and feels 390 00:27:19.440 --> 00:27:22.960 like there's just a hand jerking me off? Why does he always give me 391 00:27:23.039 --> 00:27:30.960 sideways blow Joos? There's a thumb to now I'm looking up cookie monster, 392 00:27:33.839 --> 00:27:40.680 cookie monster giving fucking blow jobs with glorial here's imagine that like hell, yeah, 393 00:27:41.319 --> 00:27:44.440 suddy here is like, all right, I'm gonna come, come, 394 00:27:44.519 --> 00:27:48.359 come, come, come. He's just hear it like like in the distance, 395 00:27:48.400 --> 00:27:52.119 a solo like and cloaks are you like what the fun? But you 396 00:27:52.240 --> 00:27:56.480 slightly get aroused because you don't know what kills anyways. That's weird. The's 397 00:27:56.480 --> 00:28:00.640 a porn star that calls himself cookie monsters, just a black dude eating ess. 398 00:28:00.720 --> 00:28:03.319 That's Nice, you know, good for him living his life. He 399 00:28:03.400 --> 00:28:08.880 is living his best life. I can't even be mad if somebody said, 400 00:28:08.880 --> 00:28:11.880 hey, you got to suff cooking monster and you get to eat ass all 401 00:28:11.880 --> 00:28:18.160 the time I think about it, I feel like so, I bet I 402 00:28:18.279 --> 00:28:23.920 bet Oscar, the grouch eats better. As you know, Oscar doesn't give 403 00:28:23.960 --> 00:28:33.680 a ship's got no finesse. He's just all Fu all mouth. I feel 404 00:28:33.720 --> 00:28:41.480 like big bird would be a very like like gentle but like not that thorough 405 00:28:41.480 --> 00:28:45.839 of a lover, like you'd be comfortable while it was happening, but when 406 00:28:45.880 --> 00:28:49.680 it was over you'd still be wanting for more. Maybe. But his safety, 407 00:28:49.680 --> 00:28:55.119 hiss, safe word is stuff all up, Aguess, stuffite love a 408 00:28:55.119 --> 00:29:00.200 guess. It's just a hope, which says to make sure your character has 409 00:29:00.359 --> 00:29:06.799 the biggest dick. I want to say animal are we're going muppets too. 410 00:29:06.880 --> 00:29:10.200 Okay, that's a muppet. I mean they're all the it's all the hens 411 00:29:10.240 --> 00:29:15.640 and all the hens and people. Um. which which muppet, slash Sessa, 412 00:29:15.960 --> 00:29:18.720 is the biggest dick? I don't know. I mean animals. Definitely 413 00:29:18.720 --> 00:29:22.400 autistic. Yeah, have you seen the climpse of o'me Eagle, where it's 414 00:29:22.400 --> 00:29:26.720 a guy being kermit the frog? Yeah, so I didn't. I was 415 00:29:26.839 --> 00:29:30.119 dumb and didn't realize that. You know, he's got the biggest Dick. 416 00:29:30.160 --> 00:29:37.440 Fozzy fozzy, swinging like thirteen inches easily. That's why you never see the 417 00:29:37.440 --> 00:29:41.559 bottom. That's why you never see the bottom of any of the puppets, 418 00:29:41.559 --> 00:29:47.640 because they're all just big, technically just somebody else's fucking arm. That's what 419 00:29:47.720 --> 00:29:51.039 it looks like. Yeah, no, that's not morm I've never seen I've 420 00:29:51.039 --> 00:29:56.960 seen Elephant Dick. Puts it the shame like. There's a reason why the 421 00:29:56.039 --> 00:30:03.160 holes on all puppets. This why he's got the biggest Dick. piggy pig, 422 00:30:03.160 --> 00:30:06.279 he's got the biggest Dick. She pegs, she pegs Kermit, everybody 423 00:30:07.880 --> 00:30:14.440 Kermit's unit. That knows the eagle videos and you see it, pap and 424 00:30:15.480 --> 00:30:22.440 I'll say what I'll say. Rolf's got the smallest Dick. Rolf's the Brown 425 00:30:22.480 --> 00:30:25.599 dog always playing the piano. He's got the smallest Dick, but he knows 426 00:30:25.640 --> 00:30:33.400 how to fucking use it. Yea God. And I feel like Sam the 427 00:30:33.400 --> 00:30:37.960 Eagle is like a closet kink master, like just he's into like B D 428 00:30:37.240 --> 00:30:41.880 S M at. He's into some fifty shades of great ship. Probably maybe 429 00:30:42.559 --> 00:30:47.519 we opened up a cano. What about the kids on the show? Evaluating? 430 00:30:48.079 --> 00:30:49.039 What about the kids on the show? For that you have to ask 431 00:30:49.039 --> 00:30:56.240 Elmo. Oh God, Alamos a freak in real life. The Guy who 432 00:30:56.279 --> 00:31:00.880 was playing him was really, really you do know that? Oh, that's 433 00:31:00.880 --> 00:31:03.599 where I was going with that's where I was going with that joke. Okay, 434 00:31:03.880 --> 00:31:06.519 yeah, no, like they had to switch out O my actors because 435 00:31:06.519 --> 00:31:10.599 they found out that he was like fucking touching kids and ship. Jesus Christ, 436 00:31:11.319 --> 00:31:12.559 dark side of the ring I went. I went dark on that and 437 00:31:12.599 --> 00:31:17.039 nobody got it. Somebody listening at home, at home got it, and 438 00:31:17.079 --> 00:31:19.359 to U I say, welcome to my world. Oh my God, that's 439 00:31:19.480 --> 00:31:25.119 crazy. Yeah, this is just like it's like Mr Rod. He got 440 00:31:25.119 --> 00:31:29.440 cleared. What he got? Cleared of three charges of sexual abuse. He 441 00:31:29.599 --> 00:31:33.160 Won. I'm on his side. He probably he probably still didn't, but 442 00:31:33.160 --> 00:31:37.680 but he beat the system. Oh, he beat it all. He for 443 00:31:37.720 --> 00:31:44.559 really like he didn't even cleared of sex abuse charges, but he was accused 444 00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:48.240 by multiple men, I'm sexually abusing them over ten years ago when they were 445 00:31:48.279 --> 00:31:52.519 minors. So that ship happened. They just didn't care because there was boysn't 446 00:31:52.519 --> 00:31:56.559 that girls? And then he texted the texted his best friend about it, 447 00:31:56.640 --> 00:31:59.720 dude, cause, but you're not gonna believe what I just got away with. 448 00:31:59.799 --> 00:32:05.799 Man, from there on, Jesus, we're talking about welcome to the 449 00:32:05.799 --> 00:32:08.400 fun hey, we were sexually like. We were, we were, we 450 00:32:08.400 --> 00:32:13.279 were, we were getting ready to make some fucking sesame street born. I'm 451 00:32:13.279 --> 00:32:17.160 just saying, just like all we, we were just one go funding stuffing 452 00:32:22.640 --> 00:32:25.519 us. I don't know if you watch, uh did you guys watch the 453 00:32:25.519 --> 00:32:30.880 the one with Melissa McCarthy, the movie time murders, whatever. I mean. 454 00:32:30.240 --> 00:32:34.400 Was it good? Oh, yeah, it's. It's fucking awful, 455 00:32:34.519 --> 00:32:38.440 but in a Oh it's so bad, it's so bad it's good, like 456 00:32:39.119 --> 00:32:43.680 it's worth the watch I really wanted to watch and I just completely forgotten. 457 00:32:43.799 --> 00:32:50.039 Become glitter and for them, for them, sugar is cocaine like like sugar. 458 00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:52.240 For them is what cocaine is for humans. It's, it is, 459 00:32:52.920 --> 00:32:58.240 it's so bad it's good. It's the room level bad. Gotcha, Gotcha. 460 00:32:59.319 --> 00:33:01.759 Interesting. I hope the FBI is watching it. Dude, Hey, 461 00:33:01.880 --> 00:33:04.000 NASA, how's it going?

Mike Vanderveen Profile Photo

Mike Vanderveen

Mr

Ex-junkie, convicted felon, stand up comic. In that order exactly.