July 14, 2022

Three Mikes


On this week's show, Mike & Mike welcome special guest Mike "Vander" Vanderveen to the studio to talk about:

  • Vander's time in prison
  • His early days of doing comedy
  • Having birthdays on holidays 

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Transcript

WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.720 --> 00:00:04.360 Of all the holidays to be born born on, I think. I think 2 00:00:04.440 --> 00:00:08.679 Halloween is probably the coolest. I think so because because you can excuse to 3 00:00:08.720 --> 00:00:13.480 have a party anyway. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, my brother's birthdays 4 00:00:13.480 --> 00:00:16.679 on Valentine's Day, which is just kind of dumb. Yeah, I love 5 00:00:16.719 --> 00:00:18.839 you, Jonathan. I know you listen, you listen to this show, 6 00:00:19.399 --> 00:00:22.399 but it's just kind of a weird, dumb holiday to have your birthday on 7 00:00:23.039 --> 00:00:26.280 his birthday, because you could have hall you could have Valentine's Day sex. 8 00:00:27.839 --> 00:00:33.240 Sure, that's where we conceived our child. Even though I was like why, 9 00:00:33.679 --> 00:00:35.679 I turned the UN list. I was like, we shouldn't have sex 10 00:00:35.719 --> 00:00:37.640 tonight. Well, we did have sex on what fuck? She's like, 11 00:00:37.640 --> 00:00:39.920 because you're trying for a kid. Yeah, she's like. What? I 12 00:00:39.960 --> 00:00:42.159 was like, we had sex tonight and I came in your pussy. She's 13 00:00:42.200 --> 00:00:44.479 like, what do you mean? I was like, if we get pregnant 14 00:00:44.560 --> 00:00:47.520 right now, it's because we got pregnant and Valentine's again. It'St so shitty 15 00:00:47.560 --> 00:00:54.520 to she was like, she doesn't cur. She was like fuck. Yeah, 16 00:00:54.600 --> 00:00:56.759 I guess that's the one of you. If your birthday is on Valentine's 17 00:00:56.799 --> 00:00:59.399 Day, it's like you have no excuse not to have sex with me. 18 00:00:59.439 --> 00:01:02.600 Hint you. She'll be like, watch me, I'M gonna go to the 19 00:01:02.600 --> 00:01:07.560 bar. Welcome to the Basement Lounge. Grab a chair, grab a drink 20 00:01:07.760 --> 00:01:11.640 and settle in. Let's have some fun. And we got a special guest. 21 00:01:12.079 --> 00:01:18.760 Yeah, Vanderd I'm waving. Yes, he is. Yeah, you 22 00:01:18.799 --> 00:01:21.319 had to. You had a get a really good set on Sunday and I'm 23 00:01:21.359 --> 00:01:23.400 really mad that I had such a shitty day and forgot to bring my camera. 24 00:01:23.599 --> 00:01:26.799 It's okay, my wife actually got pretty good footage of it. I 25 00:01:26.879 --> 00:01:30.799 was to clip something out and it was. It worked out. I was 26 00:01:30.840 --> 00:01:33.319 also wasn't expecting even up until I went up on the stage, I was 27 00:01:33.359 --> 00:01:37.359 not expecting to get that kind of response, just because the crowd seemed pretty 28 00:01:38.000 --> 00:01:41.319 black luster of energy. Now you actually got the energy go. I was 29 00:01:41.319 --> 00:01:42.359 just good. I was like, Oh, these people actually I think he 30 00:01:42.519 --> 00:01:47.200 probably you had one of the best, do you think? Yeah, honestly, 31 00:01:47.239 --> 00:01:49.400 I think you had the best overall set of the night. Yeah, 32 00:01:49.480 --> 00:01:52.959 a few of those new guys were like they were doing really well. I 33 00:01:52.959 --> 00:01:56.799 thought they were funny as fuck. Yeah, but you could also like feel 34 00:01:56.840 --> 00:02:00.400 their nervousness. Oh Yeah, you red Beird Guy, the BEIRD guy. 35 00:02:00.519 --> 00:02:04.760 Definitely. He had the hardest night, I think, out of anybody there. 36 00:02:04.799 --> 00:02:08.960 Open up domestic violence. Yeah, and and and rolled with it. 37 00:02:09.360 --> 00:02:15.520 Um. It was giving me flash it's given me such flashbacks too, and 38 00:02:15.560 --> 00:02:17.639 I've talked about this before with you, I know the first time I hosted 39 00:02:17.639 --> 00:02:22.280 it. While he's the abortion guy. I don't know if you were there 40 00:02:22.280 --> 00:02:25.639 that night. This guy went up. He was I had never met him 41 00:02:25.639 --> 00:02:29.400 before and like we were all hanging out in the alleyway and him and his 42 00:02:29.439 --> 00:02:31.520 buddy were there with their girls and they were like bitching about the club, 43 00:02:31.879 --> 00:02:35.599 like the reason they're charted making doing a two way at a minimum, was 44 00:02:35.599 --> 00:02:38.360 because they're struggling to stay open. It's like, no, that's literally every 45 00:02:38.360 --> 00:02:42.919 club in the fucking world does that, Dude. Um. And then he 46 00:02:42.960 --> 00:02:46.280 went up. He was like he was early in the show. Um, 47 00:02:46.599 --> 00:02:50.520 and did it was it was. It was a small LINEUPS, everybody at 48 00:02:50.560 --> 00:02:53.520 like seven minutes and he did like seven minutes straight of just abortion. Yes, 49 00:02:53.599 --> 00:02:59.919 I do remember. And I was like opened with an abortion joke and 50 00:03:00.080 --> 00:03:04.319 no, dude, hey, they weren't even funny. Like it's it's like 51 00:03:04.360 --> 00:03:07.439 we're gonna be that dark. You better. He was just talking about abortion 52 00:03:08.520 --> 00:03:14.759 and and it got it fell with a thud and he just kept going and 53 00:03:14.800 --> 00:03:16.240 just would and he was also laughing at his own ship, like he thought 54 00:03:16.280 --> 00:03:20.280 he was the funniest motherfucker ever. But then, to tie it all off, 55 00:03:20.800 --> 00:03:23.439 him and his buddy back at the table were like ordering like buckets of 56 00:03:23.439 --> 00:03:28.120 beer all night and then forget who their server was, but brought him their 57 00:03:28.199 --> 00:03:30.360 receipt and they were like. He was like, Oh, well, I 58 00:03:30.400 --> 00:03:35.080 performed tonight. She's like, you still gotta Pay Your Tab, and they 59 00:03:35.120 --> 00:03:38.840 were talking the whole night, to the point where Karen finally went up behind 60 00:03:38.879 --> 00:03:42.560 him was like you need to shut the funk up, and then they threw 61 00:03:42.599 --> 00:03:45.120 down whatever cash they had, which I don't even think was enough to cover 62 00:03:45.159 --> 00:03:46.800 their bill, and walked out before the headliner was even done, which I 63 00:03:46.840 --> 00:03:53.000 think was Ray Hensley Um, and just yeah, I never saw that kid 64 00:03:53.000 --> 00:03:55.360 again. Yeah, makes sense. Yeah, it's probably for the best. 65 00:03:55.400 --> 00:03:58.759 I mean, Karen has come up and tell it, because because is back 66 00:03:58.759 --> 00:04:00.639 when she was running the show. If she that, I will you to 67 00:04:00.639 --> 00:04:04.039 shut the funk up. You're not getting booked again. You're not this and 68 00:04:04.080 --> 00:04:08.000 this was on one of the Sunday shows. Yeah, yeah, it was 69 00:04:08.039 --> 00:04:14.759 like right before covid it was rough. Yeah, I don't I think. 70 00:04:14.919 --> 00:04:16.879 I think I remember that guy. Yeah, I'll never forget. The reason 71 00:04:16.879 --> 00:04:18.959 I remembers because it was the first time I hosted there. So it's like 72 00:04:18.959 --> 00:04:24.759 I'll never forget that because seven minutes of abortion jokes. Because it was the 73 00:04:24.839 --> 00:04:30.079 same night that that Um Aaron went up dressed as a dressed as gumby. 74 00:04:30.120 --> 00:04:35.199 Oh Dude. Yeah, and that was I fucking lost my ship. He 75 00:04:35.240 --> 00:04:39.680 didn't have that great of a set, no, but he was dressed up 76 00:04:39.680 --> 00:04:41.959 to all of all his comics. It was amazing. It was just as 77 00:04:41.959 --> 00:04:46.319 Gumby telling his jokes and never once acknowledged it, because I was because he 78 00:04:46.399 --> 00:04:47.439 was the first one up that night, so I brought him up and I 79 00:04:47.480 --> 00:04:50.360 didn't know he was wearing it and I'm like, Ladies and gentlemen, Aaron 80 00:04:53.199 --> 00:04:57.199 Walking up the stairs does his whole set. It was your typical Aaron Phillips 81 00:04:57.199 --> 00:05:00.040 said, it was just like Aaron being Aaron and phase he could be talking 82 00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:03.279 to nobody. Yeah, but he did the whole thing dressed as gumby and 83 00:05:03.319 --> 00:05:08.639 didn't acknowledge it once and people just kind of kept laughing because they were like 84 00:05:08.680 --> 00:05:13.079 wait, is he ever actually gonna Mention this? So fucking funny. It's 85 00:05:13.079 --> 00:05:15.000 Badass. I don't think I've ever had it. Every since eye taking it 86 00:05:15.040 --> 00:05:17.560 over, I don't think anybody's ever done anything crazy. I think I scare 87 00:05:17.600 --> 00:05:23.399 people partially because nobody, I say everybody, runs a light. Nobody really 88 00:05:23.399 --> 00:05:27.319 ever runs a light. But like like when I say that ship, a 89 00:05:27.360 --> 00:05:30.560 lot of people get off early. Yeah, I feel like fun. Yeah, 90 00:05:30.600 --> 00:05:32.319 I feel like every time I do it. I think this was the 91 00:05:32.360 --> 00:05:35.399 first time in a while I haven't seen someone go over. I see a 92 00:05:35.439 --> 00:05:40.680 lot of people go late, like shure. I'm like, that's right, 93 00:05:40.720 --> 00:05:43.360 you fuckers. Well, that's the time I did this on this show before 94 00:05:43.360 --> 00:05:45.959 this past week. There was at least like three or four. Yeah, 95 00:05:46.000 --> 00:05:47.480 there was one old guy that like. I felt kind of bad for him. 96 00:05:47.480 --> 00:05:51.800 He just seemed like this wholesome old man. Sure enough, Mike, 97 00:05:53.360 --> 00:05:58.600 nope. That's why I said it, you old guy. Fuck you retirement. 98 00:05:58.680 --> 00:06:00.879 So you don't, you don't. You don't cut off like Karen. 99 00:06:00.920 --> 00:06:02.759 Does. You cut the MIC? No, I'm I getting the voice that 100 00:06:02.839 --> 00:06:04.959 I get on the Voice of God Mike, and I give it up for 101 00:06:05.879 --> 00:06:12.480 Blah Blah blue and they're like that's why I wish I could play. Yeah, 102 00:06:12.480 --> 00:06:15.279 Oh my God, if they let me have you know, my like 103 00:06:15.319 --> 00:06:19.720 my sound effect board and ship, like you know any of that? Uh 104 00:06:20.040 --> 00:06:25.480 Yeah, they're just right there, though. That's what my Dick Sounds like 105 00:06:25.480 --> 00:06:33.240 when it comes Jeff. Jeff and Caleb had a DJ at at Carmichael's one 106 00:06:33.240 --> 00:06:36.439 time for a brief time, for a couple of weeks consecutively, that guy 107 00:06:36.519 --> 00:06:41.920 came back and he would play like fake applause when folks were walking up and 108 00:06:41.959 --> 00:06:46.279 walking off and would play applause tracks and play rim shots and ship, which 109 00:06:46.360 --> 00:06:51.439 was everybody got like intro music, and they were looking at I think it 110 00:06:51.519 --> 00:06:56.839 was the same guy who was doing Um, Um, what's the one over 111 00:06:56.879 --> 00:07:00.040 there? UH, by right state that Daryl was running for a bit it 112 00:07:00.519 --> 00:07:02.240 uh ws W. Yeah, I think it was the same guy doing that. 113 00:07:02.720 --> 00:07:06.319 I remember one time I came at a contest. I used the music 114 00:07:06.360 --> 00:07:11.759 to my advantage. So I came up to backstreet boys. Uh, what 115 00:07:11.920 --> 00:07:15.839 Song Was it? What's their famous one? I want it that way all 116 00:07:15.879 --> 00:07:18.160 I want. I knew that right off the bat. Okay, back streets, 117 00:07:18.199 --> 00:07:24.079 back I could name a few and I had like them singing and I 118 00:07:24.120 --> 00:07:26.319 was like yeah, and I just went into the darkest joke I have. 119 00:07:27.399 --> 00:07:30.319 Right afterwards they're like what's just the the only day it was balls deep in 120 00:07:30.319 --> 00:07:33.240 a fourteen year old yet up with. Yeah, I thought that was like 121 00:07:33.240 --> 00:07:36.800 one of your no, I now vere how I came up with that. 122 00:07:39.240 --> 00:07:44.600 I want to know now. I literally took me thirty seconds to write that 123 00:07:44.680 --> 00:07:49.040 joke. It wasn't like I was like Huh, okay, right, this 124 00:07:49.120 --> 00:07:53.279 is gonna work. It's like something you come up with on the fly, 125 00:07:53.600 --> 00:07:56.319 using like a wild card and cards. It really was. It was like 126 00:07:56.399 --> 00:07:59.519 some balls. I literally just it's kind of one of the things right before 127 00:07:59.519 --> 00:08:01.199 I went up on stage. Yeah, I was like Huh, just like 128 00:08:01.199 --> 00:08:03.519 my cocaine joke. I came up right before I went up on stage, 129 00:08:05.639 --> 00:08:09.319 UM, which I still wait, wait, I think of the heroine joke, 130 00:08:09.360 --> 00:08:13.360 which was the cocaine joke, my favorite pickup lines. It's like jokes, 131 00:08:13.360 --> 00:08:16.800 and I was like fuck it, I'm just gonna come up with this 132 00:08:16.680 --> 00:08:20.319 and I was like, all right, that was well. I mean, 133 00:08:20.720 --> 00:08:24.600 speaking of like fucked up jokes we all know. I mean Vander's got one 134 00:08:24.600 --> 00:08:28.720 of the most fucked up ones I've ever heard. I love it, I 135 00:08:28.839 --> 00:08:33.960 think disgusting. It's disgusting, but it's flawless one because it's true. The 136 00:08:35.000 --> 00:08:37.759 snort your vomit or whatever. That's amazing. It's it's an amazing it's an 137 00:08:37.799 --> 00:08:41.879 amazing bit. So that really happened, though, I guess. Yeah, 138 00:08:41.320 --> 00:08:45.480 Dude, dude did it. Told me about it. Tell tell the people 139 00:08:45.480 --> 00:08:48.120 listening a little bit about you and tell us kind of the story behind that, 140 00:08:48.200 --> 00:08:50.600 I guess. So, yeah, I'm a twice convicted felon count it 141 00:08:50.679 --> 00:08:56.799 twice. Uh, and yeah, I went to prison and when I was 142 00:08:56.840 --> 00:09:00.360 in prison it's when I like started thinking that maybe I'm funny, because I 143 00:09:00.360 --> 00:09:05.440 was the goofiest person in prison obviously. So, like the first thing I 144 00:09:05.480 --> 00:09:09.919 ever came up with was my dad has no legs. It's reel and that's 145 00:09:09.919 --> 00:09:15.000 a good one. And Uh, yeah, I got out of prison luckily, 146 00:09:15.240 --> 00:09:16.879 stayed out of prison, kind of turned some ship around, stopped doing 147 00:09:16.879 --> 00:09:20.960 heroin all the time and uh, I was out for a couple of years 148 00:09:22.000 --> 00:09:26.960 before I really dove into this. Um, I dabbled right before covid up, 149 00:09:28.200 --> 00:09:31.200 but maybe about six months leading up to it. We're like my only 150 00:09:31.279 --> 00:09:35.039 joke, and I would tell the same joke every week for like a month 151 00:09:35.600 --> 00:09:39.759 about just, Oh, nobody tried to fund me in prison, and that 152 00:09:39.840 --> 00:09:45.799 was it's a good when you're first starting out, you'll match those. That's 153 00:09:45.799 --> 00:09:50.639 all you got. So but yeah, man, I've I'm digging this a 154 00:09:50.639 --> 00:09:52.159 lot. I like I like doing the shows and going to open mix, 155 00:09:52.200 --> 00:09:56.279 meeting all these guys like you two, and I mean you've you've just from 156 00:09:56.279 --> 00:10:00.960 people talking to me, when you've quickly become kind of a like one of 157 00:10:00.960 --> 00:10:03.159 the favorites among the locals. I mean just because we know you're gonna we 158 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:07.399 know you're gonna show up, you know you're not gonna be a Dick and 159 00:10:07.440 --> 00:10:11.000 we know you're gonna try and and you know it's the crowd sucks. You're 160 00:10:11.120 --> 00:10:15.559 you'RE gonna work. So now and that one joke is so fucking good. 161 00:10:16.000 --> 00:10:20.120 Hair on. It's just so fucking, so fucking good. Because when you 162 00:10:20.159 --> 00:10:22.440 sent that message asking, like I guess I should heart of this bit, 163 00:10:22.480 --> 00:10:24.919 I was like, fuck no, I'll tell you why. Somebody for real 164 00:10:26.080 --> 00:10:30.320 came up to me. I won't say who. It's a friend of mine 165 00:10:31.000 --> 00:10:33.600 and he told me. He was like no, I don't know, man. 166 00:10:33.679 --> 00:10:35.879 You tell it every time and it's I want to get grows some people 167 00:10:35.879 --> 00:10:39.679 out and getting old. It's not what I mean. Like if you do 168 00:10:39.720 --> 00:10:43.840 it like it wasn't a barrel. Yeah, I mean, it's just because 169 00:10:43.879 --> 00:10:46.320 you have the same people do the joke, but like in a comic clip, 170 00:10:46.360 --> 00:10:50.519 that's gonna pretty much murder every time. I'm bummed I didn't get to 171 00:10:50.559 --> 00:10:54.279 tell it because, like it takes me about a minute thirty to tell you 172 00:10:54.960 --> 00:10:56.519 and I got the light, so I knew that I wouldn't. I was 173 00:10:56.559 --> 00:11:01.159 like, get off stage, that's what do you. I was hoping you 174 00:11:01.200 --> 00:11:03.519 just gonna tell because you're having such a good set. I was like it 175 00:11:03.600 --> 00:11:07.159 was literally, I literally I spanned out the whole five minutes earlier that day 176 00:11:07.200 --> 00:11:09.320 and like it was a perfect five minutes. But, and this is I 177 00:11:09.320 --> 00:11:13.759 guess this is a good problem to have, I did not take into account 178 00:11:13.759 --> 00:11:18.320 in the laughter breaks that I was going to get because like that, yeah, 179 00:11:18.480 --> 00:11:20.000 if I would have had another thirty seconds, I would have done it. 180 00:11:20.000 --> 00:11:22.480 It totally happens. It's IT'S A it's a great but because, like 181 00:11:22.480 --> 00:11:26.039 I was telling you, like it's one like if you've got, if you're 182 00:11:26.039 --> 00:11:28.720 in a comedy club setting, you maybe even got a longer set where you 183 00:11:28.720 --> 00:11:31.200 don't have to worry about it that much. Yeah, it's great. You're 184 00:11:31.720 --> 00:11:37.080 you're you're what. You're likable enough on stage, in in in your delivery 185 00:11:37.080 --> 00:11:39.600 that people are going to be a bit, you know, more into it. 186 00:11:39.679 --> 00:11:41.679 I suppose if you were, if you were super stand offish, which 187 00:11:41.679 --> 00:11:45.039 can work for some people, but I think if you, I think for 188 00:11:45.080 --> 00:11:48.960 that bit to work you've got to be likable. It builds tension. Yeah, 189 00:11:48.039 --> 00:11:50.279 because you're telling you something. They're like, why, where is he 190 00:11:50.320 --> 00:11:54.039 going? What the where are you going with this? And people probably think, 191 00:11:54.080 --> 00:11:56.759 is this true? Really? That's that's what's going on. Like when 192 00:11:56.759 --> 00:11:58.919 you first hear that joke, you're like, oh, that was like you're 193 00:12:00.000 --> 00:12:03.679 building a lot of tension and people are like what kind of getting there, 194 00:12:03.679 --> 00:12:09.440 getting uncomfortable in a sense. And then, because basically jokes are just building 195 00:12:09.480 --> 00:12:13.519 tension and cutting it with laughter, and then to have the perfect thing that 196 00:12:13.679 --> 00:12:16.240 and just cuts the laughter and you're like, because you could feel the release 197 00:12:18.960 --> 00:12:22.279 Um pretty crazy. It's it's such a good joke, and I don't say 198 00:12:22.360 --> 00:12:26.000 jokes are good. It's true. He usually thinks everyone's material is ship. 199 00:12:26.639 --> 00:12:35.840 No, I don't. Your materials quit. Um. So what's everyone I've 200 00:12:35.840 --> 00:12:37.440 got a lot of ship and booked this month. What's everyone else got going 201 00:12:37.480 --> 00:12:43.159 on? I got the semifinals for the Semipro go bananas. That's literally it. 202 00:12:43.639 --> 00:12:46.200 That's it. That's it. I mean that's good. If you're gonna 203 00:12:46.240 --> 00:12:48.519 have one thing booked for this month, that's a good one. Top like 204 00:12:48.559 --> 00:12:50.279 doing anything right I still don't feel like going out for comedy right now. 205 00:12:50.720 --> 00:12:54.120 I just be at home with my kid, like it's the only thing I 206 00:12:54.159 --> 00:12:56.480 want to do right now. I don't even write that much. I mean 207 00:12:56.519 --> 00:13:01.919 I've been writing, but not crazy, like I think I'm doing this joke 208 00:13:01.960 --> 00:13:05.200 and it maybe because you're going to be on the show. I thought about 209 00:13:05.240 --> 00:13:07.279 it. I was like three mics. I was like, don't I have 210 00:13:07.360 --> 00:13:09.799 like a three mic joke and the jokes be like, and this is a 211 00:13:09.799 --> 00:13:15.120 true story, part of it. That's true story. That's why I I 212 00:13:15.200 --> 00:13:20.120 was like my my wife dated three mikes in a row, so whenever she's 213 00:13:20.159 --> 00:13:24.120 having we're having a sex. I'm pretty sure when she says my name's referring 214 00:13:24.159 --> 00:13:30.559 to one of them because they're filming us. I don't know if I ever 215 00:13:30.639 --> 00:13:33.120 fucking but that's what I thought. I was like, I think I have 216 00:13:33.159 --> 00:13:35.480 a three Mike, because that's actually true. She dated like three mikes in 217 00:13:35.519 --> 00:13:39.600 a row. That's fine, it's weird. One day we're all three gonna 218 00:13:39.639 --> 00:13:41.480 be on the same show and we have to make sure the lineup goes for 219 00:13:41.559 --> 00:13:43.080 the three of us. That's kind of what I was wondering. I was 220 00:13:43.200 --> 00:13:46.240 do all of us have? Are you? What do you get? What 221 00:13:46.279 --> 00:13:48.679 do you get going on this rest of this month? Nothing, nothing, 222 00:13:48.799 --> 00:13:50.960 I don't get. He's still an open mic. Yeah, we need to 223 00:13:52.039 --> 00:13:54.279 change that. MIC or two a week. I don't. Ye Know. 224 00:13:54.639 --> 00:13:56.759 I'm looking forward to because I know the timing of it wasn't great. I'm 225 00:13:56.799 --> 00:14:03.120 looking forward to you doing fireworks and what. I don't know. I'm still 226 00:14:03.120 --> 00:14:09.600 pretty tort if we didn't talk about who is it that has the bit about 227 00:14:09.600 --> 00:14:13.720 bumble Um, and they told it on Sunday. I think maybe it was 228 00:14:13.840 --> 00:14:18.519 Oh, it's it's Kemper. Talks about like the on bumble. She's like 229 00:14:18.559 --> 00:14:22.159 what's something? You're not over? He's like her things at nine eleven and 230 00:14:22.159 --> 00:14:26.399 he's like, I thought that was implied. Um, no, I was 231 00:14:26.440 --> 00:14:30.440 going out fireworks because I know the timing of it was. You weren't. 232 00:14:30.960 --> 00:14:31.759 You weren't aware of it, so you didn't. We weren't doing it. 233 00:14:33.480 --> 00:14:37.159 I don't really have any communication with well, he's like when I'm wanting to 234 00:14:37.200 --> 00:14:41.360 get on the Sunday comics, I just text. But yeah, I thought 235 00:14:41.399 --> 00:14:45.759 that's what everybody did not. We're gonna trying to like that's that's not common 236 00:14:45.799 --> 00:14:48.159 knowledge. I'm gonna bleep this whole ship out. Um, not just because 237 00:14:48.279 --> 00:14:52.720 you were. I'm I'm looking forward to you doing it next year because I'm 238 00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:56.759 gonna do fireworks and then I'm gonna try to get on the go bananas one 239 00:14:56.799 --> 00:15:00.000 too. You're gonna have so much fun with fire. Fireworks is the best 240 00:15:00.039 --> 00:15:03.200 show the earth. From me, I think it's a super fucking high. 241 00:15:03.159 --> 00:15:07.519 If I were you were, you were higher than I've ever seen you or 242 00:15:07.559 --> 00:15:15.759 ever been. I think you were fucking high because you hit someone's UH stick 243 00:15:15.840 --> 00:15:18.559 right. Why waits? Why fate pen a couple of times I was like 244 00:15:18.600 --> 00:15:22.720 what the fun? This is like motivation. That should get you a high. 245 00:15:24.840 --> 00:15:28.360 Yeah, it was good. Oh, the current event. Did you 246 00:15:28.360 --> 00:15:31.879 guys see those pictures of the space pictures? Yeah, they blew my mind, 247 00:15:31.960 --> 00:15:35.480 but I'm like, I want comedy material out of it, so I'm 248 00:15:35.480 --> 00:15:39.240 pretending like it's not blowing my mind. It's posted on facebook a picture of 249 00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:41.679 like a kid that drew and astronaut with a couple of stars. I was 250 00:15:41.759 --> 00:15:48.279 like, Sen does it is fucking weird that I think about that, like, 251 00:15:48.639 --> 00:15:50.519 especially last night, and then released yesterday's like the first one. I 252 00:15:50.559 --> 00:15:56.120 was like, Jesus Christ, space, we are nothing. That's what I 253 00:15:56.200 --> 00:16:00.320 literally messaged with my Buddy Ryan. I was like we're so insignificant. Yeah, 254 00:16:00.519 --> 00:16:03.320 like we we we don't matter. Somebody, I spence, my wife. 255 00:16:03.360 --> 00:16:07.679 I was like, if we're like a finger snap, we are the 256 00:16:07.759 --> 00:16:12.480 of the finger snap. That's my life right there. Yeah, it's were 257 00:16:12.519 --> 00:16:17.519 we we mean nothing because because when you think about the way how about the 258 00:16:17.519 --> 00:16:22.080 speed of light and how far away those galaxies are, like we're seeing a 259 00:16:22.159 --> 00:16:29.039 lot of them after they've all realistically like died out by some years. Yeah, 260 00:16:29.559 --> 00:16:34.519 it's they also see that and think that we're the only ones. It's 261 00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:38.279 it's it's just it kind of just reinforces that like, how fucking arrogant are 262 00:16:38.320 --> 00:16:48.960 some people think we're like God's not real. Okay, that's trying to get 263 00:16:48.759 --> 00:16:51.879 but I think it's like one of those pictures. God was real, the 264 00:16:51.919 --> 00:16:56.360 one picture looks like it's just come, you know, talking about that straight 265 00:16:56.600 --> 00:17:02.320 God come. It was like picks dust stars. Well, it's it's a 266 00:17:02.360 --> 00:17:06.519 metaphor for God coming because, you know, one drop of of of semen 267 00:17:06.599 --> 00:17:10.640 has like millions of sperms. So God jizzed out the universe and each one 268 00:17:10.680 --> 00:17:14.480 of those little galaxies. Don't want to pretend I'm part of it. Our 269 00:17:14.519 --> 00:17:19.839 whole planet is just God. We're it's the one that hung onto the egg 270 00:17:19.880 --> 00:17:25.039 and we're God's seed, which I think is kind of the metaphor. They 271 00:17:25.039 --> 00:17:30.039 were going forward eternals, but I'm not sure. You know, sometimes it 272 00:17:30.079 --> 00:17:34.240 feels like life really gives you the raw deal. So give yourself some raw 273 00:17:34.359 --> 00:17:40.279 comfort in the form of edible cookie dough from dope. Dope is committed to 274 00:17:40.319 --> 00:17:45.240 reducing the stigmas around mental health and addiction recovery, while making the world a 275 00:17:45.279 --> 00:17:49.519 little sweeter one spoonful at a time. They've got flavors ranging from classics like 276 00:17:49.599 --> 00:17:56.039 chocolate chip and snickerdoodle to crazy concoctions like Brownie batter and Nitella banana plus. 277 00:17:56.240 --> 00:18:02.359 They donate a portion of every sale to the she recovers Foundation, a nonprofit 278 00:18:02.440 --> 00:18:07.359 charity with a mission to connect, support and empower women in or seeking recovery. 279 00:18:07.640 --> 00:18:11.519 JUST HEAD ON OVER TO DOPE DOT COM, D O U G HP 280 00:18:11.880 --> 00:18:15.799 DOT Com. Put together a killer sample pack and use the code T B 281 00:18:17.200 --> 00:18:22.000 L O five to get five dollars off your order at checkout. You'll also 282 00:18:22.039 --> 00:18:26.440 get free shipping nationwide. So grab some dope today and get ready to lick 283 00:18:26.559 --> 00:18:34.079 that spoon clean. What's the craziest like story from prison? Are you wanna 284 00:18:34.160 --> 00:18:41.440 tell it? What the fuck? Who Woke who woke up? I don't 285 00:18:41.440 --> 00:18:45.920 even know. It's my watch went off. Series. Got Some got some 286 00:18:45.200 --> 00:18:56.279 stories from the joint, apparently Stab Amazon. Here's what I found. One 287 00:18:56.279 --> 00:19:00.079 time. I actually did what's a guy get? Like that's habbed, but 288 00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:04.079 like he was outing this guy. He had the papers that proved that this 289 00:19:04.119 --> 00:19:08.519 guy like testified against somebody which they were a b s and like they were 290 00:19:08.559 --> 00:19:12.640 falling out. So he was trying. He was like taking this paper around 291 00:19:12.640 --> 00:19:15.599 and showing everybody, like hey, dudes, a fucking rat, like he 292 00:19:15.680 --> 00:19:19.960 definitely testified on these people and the guy who was supposedly the rat. Like 293 00:19:21.559 --> 00:19:23.799 they ended up getting into it. It was my buddy would he was the 294 00:19:23.799 --> 00:19:29.200 one that got punched, slash cut, slash dad. The dude like he 295 00:19:29.319 --> 00:19:32.240 had like a blade that he made, but he was holding at the end 296 00:19:32.240 --> 00:19:34.240 of his fist, so like he clocked him in the jaw and it like 297 00:19:34.319 --> 00:19:40.960 cut his whole cheek over it. Uh, that's like that's the only violent 298 00:19:41.000 --> 00:19:45.079 thing I ever saw. I saw a lot of fucking, a lot of 299 00:19:45.160 --> 00:19:48.440 fucking, like hand jobs, like the typical stuff he would expect to see 300 00:19:48.480 --> 00:19:52.119 in prison. Because I was in a prison. I came in as a 301 00:19:52.240 --> 00:19:56.160 level two, so you're it's either people doing like short time or in my 302 00:19:56.240 --> 00:19:59.720 case, I was the first time offender, like I didn't hurt anybody, 303 00:20:00.200 --> 00:20:02.319 so let me come to this level two, and that's why they only gave 304 00:20:02.359 --> 00:20:04.839 me a four year sentence versus like a nine year or tenure like they wanted 305 00:20:04.839 --> 00:20:10.720 to at first. And Uh, but mostly at London it was guys that 306 00:20:11.200 --> 00:20:14.640 started at super high levels, like did crazy to it, like murder, 307 00:20:14.720 --> 00:20:18.400 rape, and we're locked up for like to life, for thirty to life 308 00:20:18.799 --> 00:20:22.000 and they were like they had been locked up for like twenty years. So 309 00:20:22.039 --> 00:20:25.640 they've gotten their security lowered from good behavior, from being locked up for so 310 00:20:25.680 --> 00:20:30.359 long. So a lot of them craved pussy and they knew they'd never get 311 00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:34.640 it. So I would always like I would have to look through all the 312 00:20:34.680 --> 00:20:40.000 showers first before I took a shower because I'm like, Oh God. Sometimes, 313 00:20:40.039 --> 00:20:44.000 like I would see two heads in the same shower going back and forth. 314 00:20:44.039 --> 00:20:48.799 I'm like, I'll just I'll stay dirty for a little longer. Yeah, 315 00:20:48.920 --> 00:20:53.359 mostly just dudes having sex, playing orange of the new black. Was 316 00:20:53.440 --> 00:20:56.920 Not that far off. It really wasn't. I had watched that show before 317 00:20:56.960 --> 00:21:00.000 I got locked up. I'm like, I hope this gives me a good 318 00:21:00.079 --> 00:21:03.680 idea. When it's like, and it really did, everybody just sucking it's 319 00:21:03.720 --> 00:21:07.319 like, do you think the prison system is broken, since you're definitely, 320 00:21:07.400 --> 00:21:11.519 definitely well like, and it kind of played in my favor, like I 321 00:21:11.559 --> 00:21:18.039 can say for a certainty that I benefited from white privilege. I'd got a 322 00:21:18.039 --> 00:21:22.960 four year sentence for two counts of first degree felony aggravated robbery. There were 323 00:21:23.000 --> 00:21:26.920 dudes in there for fifteen years, twelve years, seventeen years for like one 324 00:21:27.039 --> 00:21:30.799 count of the same thing. And you know those guys, for the most 325 00:21:30.799 --> 00:21:33.559 part, we're black. A good friend of mine was doing twelve years for 326 00:21:33.640 --> 00:21:37.240 robbery, but it was like his third time being locked up. So, 327 00:21:37.319 --> 00:21:40.200 yeah, they obviously gave me twelve years, but yeah, there were a 328 00:21:40.200 --> 00:21:44.559 lot of black dudes like had the same charges as me, doing like twice 329 00:21:44.559 --> 00:21:48.440 as long, if not more. So it's definitely fucked up. I benefited 330 00:21:48.480 --> 00:21:52.000 from it being sucked up in a way, but you still recognize it. 331 00:21:52.319 --> 00:21:59.799 Yeah, yeah, it was some bullshit, another sunshiny episode of the basement. 332 00:22:00.759 --> 00:22:03.640 It is. No, I mean it's it's interesting to get that, 333 00:22:03.640 --> 00:22:07.480 that firsthand perspective on it, I mean, because we hear about it all 334 00:22:07.519 --> 00:22:11.759 the time, but none of us. I mean, yeah, I'm one 335 00:22:11.799 --> 00:22:14.480 of those kids that toured to prison and boy scouts when he was like seven 336 00:22:14.519 --> 00:22:18.960 years old. But you know, we walked around the areas that they deemed 337 00:22:18.960 --> 00:22:25.720 were safe. You know. Yeah, I never did that. That's fine. 338 00:22:26.039 --> 00:22:29.160 You didn't miss much. Really, not. Not much goes on in 339 00:22:29.200 --> 00:22:32.799 prison, honestly. Like, yeah, the yards huge. People walk around 340 00:22:32.799 --> 00:22:33.839 this track all day. It's like the only thing to do. A lot 341 00:22:33.839 --> 00:22:37.440 of guys literally just stay on the phone, like they're just talking to their 342 00:22:37.480 --> 00:22:40.599 people all day, every day. Yeah, do they have like a limited 343 00:22:40.599 --> 00:22:44.920 phone time? Pretty much, uh, fifteen minute phone calls cost eighty cents, 344 00:22:45.240 --> 00:22:47.000 or at least when I was there. I think it's a little cheaper 345 00:22:47.000 --> 00:22:49.519 now and you could do a maximum of six. But there were a lot 346 00:22:49.519 --> 00:22:52.839 of guys that didn't have families, so they would like use other people's pin 347 00:22:52.920 --> 00:22:57.319 codes and ship. Gotcha know that. You hear about that a lot too, 348 00:22:57.319 --> 00:23:03.200 about how white the way they charged that ship, like there's like ridiculous 349 00:23:03.240 --> 00:23:06.400 fees for the thing because it all gets charged with the family. Yeah, 350 00:23:06.880 --> 00:23:10.160 and they slap on like yeah, it's eighty cents for fifteen minutes, which 351 00:23:10.200 --> 00:23:15.359 probably adds up to twelve bucks, but then they slapt sixty worth of other 352 00:23:15.359 --> 00:23:19.680 fees and ship that the family has to pay. Yeah, it's it's it's 353 00:23:19.680 --> 00:23:25.640 so fun, so much money and like to send to give somebody commissary money 354 00:23:25.920 --> 00:23:29.119 is like a ridiculous fee. I'm saying this like I've been there. I 355 00:23:29.119 --> 00:23:33.559 mean I just watched a lot of John Oliver, but now it really is 356 00:23:33.640 --> 00:23:37.759 like even if it's I think it's. My mom would put or like my 357 00:23:37.799 --> 00:23:40.319 mom or my wife would put like fifty bucks onbody kind every once in a 358 00:23:40.359 --> 00:23:42.480 while and I'm pretty sure they were getting charged like five bucks for that, 359 00:23:42.599 --> 00:23:48.759 but that was obviously just going straight to its profit for profit prison. Yeah, 360 00:23:48.839 --> 00:23:52.480 everybody's like, Dude, because I was at London, which is a 361 00:23:52.559 --> 00:23:56.599 state correctional facility, like it's not private, like they're not profiting. I'm 362 00:23:56.640 --> 00:24:00.039 like, yeah, they are. They definitely are still profiting, just not 363 00:24:00.119 --> 00:24:04.319 as much as a private institution would. Um, I don't even married for 364 00:24:06.039 --> 00:24:11.839 a little over two years. We got that long. We had. We 365 00:24:11.880 --> 00:24:15.559 had from June of nineteen when we got engaged, all the way up until 366 00:24:15.599 --> 00:24:18.440 like the pandemic hit. We were playing in this huge fucking wedding. We 367 00:24:18.440 --> 00:24:22.240 were gonna have a hundred or more people there and we got all the decoration 368 00:24:22.279 --> 00:24:26.400 and ship and then fucking covid happened. So we made the decision. We 369 00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:29.680 were like we're still gonna get married. She got married before you went in. 370 00:24:30.720 --> 00:24:32.839 No, no, it was after I was locked up. I don't 371 00:24:32.839 --> 00:24:34.519 know what the timeline is here. I didn't meet him until like this year, 372 00:24:36.200 --> 00:24:37.400 so I don't know if the timelines are here. He just get out 373 00:24:37.440 --> 00:24:41.359 today. Okay, well, he was. So he was our work release, 374 00:24:41.440 --> 00:24:45.240 doing stand up. Okay, nice on the turn myself back in. 375 00:24:47.119 --> 00:24:49.720 Uh No, I was locked up from January of fifteen until July of eighteen. 376 00:24:51.960 --> 00:24:55.759 Um. And Yeah, I've been together with her the whole time. 377 00:24:55.920 --> 00:24:59.240 You've been with her for a while. It was actually like shortly before I 378 00:24:59.279 --> 00:25:00.960 got locked up, her and I got together, like wow, so she 379 00:25:02.039 --> 00:25:04.759 saw me at my worst and then, like I got locked up, we 380 00:25:04.799 --> 00:25:08.000 pretty much knew that I was going to go away for a little while and 381 00:25:08.079 --> 00:25:11.759 she was like, you know what, I'm gonna stick around. Okay, 382 00:25:12.759 --> 00:25:15.480 even if I wanted to leave her, there's no way I could do it. 383 00:25:15.599 --> 00:25:19.640 What kind of an asshole would I be? You would? I mean, 384 00:25:21.119 --> 00:25:25.519 well, ship George Lopez did that, like his wife donated like a 385 00:25:25.599 --> 00:25:29.400 kidney or something to him and that he divorced her, and I'm like, 386 00:25:29.680 --> 00:25:33.400 you Dick, a piece of ship. Is She, though? It's like 387 00:25:33.480 --> 00:25:37.319 you gave me a kidney and I still want to leave you. Yeah, 388 00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:44.119 that's fun. It's a valid point right there. You know, sometimes it 389 00:25:44.160 --> 00:25:48.279 feels like life really gives you the raw deal. So give yourself some raw 390 00:25:48.400 --> 00:25:52.319 comfort in the form of edible cookie dough from dope. Dope is committed to 391 00:25:52.359 --> 00:25:57.279 reducing the stigmas around mental health and addiction recovery, while making the world a 392 00:25:57.319 --> 00:26:03.400 little sweeter one spoon full at a time. They've got flavors ranging from classics 393 00:26:03.440 --> 00:26:08.559 like chocolate chip and snickerdoodle to crazy concoctions like Brownie batter and Ntella Banana. 394 00:26:08.720 --> 00:26:14.319 Plus. They donate a portion of every sale to the she recovers Foundation, 395 00:26:14.640 --> 00:26:19.200 a nonprofit charity with a mission to connect, support and empower women in or 396 00:26:19.240 --> 00:26:23.720 seeking recovery. JUST HEAD ON OVER TO DOPE DOT COM, D O U 397 00:26:23.960 --> 00:26:29.559 G HP DOT Com. Put together a killer sample pack and use the code 398 00:26:29.559 --> 00:26:33.359 T B L O five to get five dollars off your order at check out. 399 00:26:33.599 --> 00:26:38.759 You'll also get free shipping nationwide. So grab some dope today and get 400 00:26:38.759 --> 00:26:45.079 ready to lick that spoon clean. I tell you, I have to do 401 00:26:45.119 --> 00:26:47.920 with my kid now because he's born on Halloween, like I have to. 402 00:26:48.160 --> 00:26:49.640 There's one point in my life I'm gonna have to talk to him like listen, 403 00:26:49.720 --> 00:26:53.960 these kids don't get candy because it's your birthday. How long are you 404 00:26:55.039 --> 00:27:00.680 gonna let him think I have known like I don't know that I am gonna 405 00:27:00.720 --> 00:27:07.519 have to sit down and be like, listen, miles, these kids don't 406 00:27:07.519 --> 00:27:10.160 get canny because and he's like, Dad, I'm fucking a chick. Can 407 00:27:10.200 --> 00:27:15.759 you please? Okay, I'm bad. Why are you still here, though? 408 00:27:15.880 --> 00:27:18.119 Yeah, and just be I don't know, it's be very like, 409 00:27:18.240 --> 00:27:19.640 I don't know, I've thought about that so much because, I mean, 410 00:27:19.880 --> 00:27:23.200 any kid it's going to think that at that point, oh, people wear 411 00:27:23.319 --> 00:27:29.720 costumes on my at a young age. So the whole world isn't celebrating your 412 00:27:29.759 --> 00:27:33.880 it's not one big worldwide birthday party for you. Honestly, most of them 413 00:27:33.880 --> 00:27:37.079 don't even like you. But but of all the of all the holidays to 414 00:27:37.079 --> 00:27:40.039 be born born on, I think I think folloween is probably the coolest. 415 00:27:40.359 --> 00:27:44.079 I think so because because you can excuse to have a party anyway. Yeah, 416 00:27:44.680 --> 00:27:48.759 it's great. Yeah, my brother's birthday is on Valentine's Day, which 417 00:27:48.799 --> 00:27:51.440 is just kind of dumb. Yeah, I love you, Jonathan. I 418 00:27:51.440 --> 00:27:53.119 know you listen, you listen to this show, but it's just kind of 419 00:27:53.160 --> 00:27:57.079 a weird, dumb holiday to have your birthday on his birthday, because you 420 00:27:57.119 --> 00:28:02.640 could have hall you could have Valentine's Day sex. Sure, that's where we 421 00:28:02.640 --> 00:28:07.480 conceived our child, even though I was like why, I turned the then 422 00:28:07.480 --> 00:28:10.359 list. I was like, we shouldn't have sex tonight. Well, we 423 00:28:10.400 --> 00:28:11.559 did have sex and what fuck? She's like, because you're trying for a 424 00:28:11.640 --> 00:28:14.759 kid. Yeah, she's like what? I was like, we had sex 425 00:28:14.799 --> 00:28:15.839 tonight and I came in your pussy. She's like, what do you mean? 426 00:28:15.920 --> 00:28:18.319 I was like, if we get pregnant right now, it's because we 427 00:28:18.359 --> 00:28:23.640 got pregnant and Valentine's against so shitty. She was like, she doesn't cur. 428 00:28:23.839 --> 00:28:29.599 She was like fuck. Yeah, I guess that's the one that if 429 00:28:29.599 --> 00:28:32.880 your birthday is on Valentine's Day, it's like, you have no excuse not 430 00:28:32.920 --> 00:28:33.680 to have sex with me. Hunt You. She'll be like watch me, 431 00:28:34.880 --> 00:28:41.599 I'M gonna go to the bar mind's the week after Christmas, which means I 432 00:28:41.599 --> 00:28:45.079 don't know which means. I just get like you get half your presents on 433 00:28:45.240 --> 00:28:47.039 Christmas. The they have a for your birthday. It's like no, no, 434 00:28:47.039 --> 00:28:48.799 no, two separate days to separate. I try to play it off 435 00:28:48.880 --> 00:28:55.839 like that's what they like. What I know two people have actually had birthdays 436 00:28:55.839 --> 00:29:00.960 on Christmas. I fucking hate it. They did as witnesses anyway. So 437 00:29:00.960 --> 00:29:04.160 it doesn't even matter either way. They're not celebrationous. It's just a doubly 438 00:29:04.240 --> 00:29:10.200 normal day for them. I witness actually, a guy used to work with 439 00:29:10.279 --> 00:29:12.839 at the at the old station. Was Yeah, and so, like any 440 00:29:12.880 --> 00:29:15.519 time our bosses would give out, because every time it's a holiday, we'd 441 00:29:15.519 --> 00:29:18.079 get like starbucks gift cards or some ship, and you'd always be like, 442 00:29:18.119 --> 00:29:22.480 anybody want mine? Because he doesn't, like it's against his religion to in 443 00:29:22.519 --> 00:29:27.559 any way, shape or form. They don't observe birthdays or any holiday whatsoever 444 00:29:29.359 --> 00:29:33.319 what. Yeah, but anything about like thinking free ship, I'm thinking, 445 00:29:33.400 --> 00:29:34.079 yeah, well, it was just it was just one of those it was 446 00:29:34.119 --> 00:29:37.920 just they didn't it wasn't it just wasn't a thing. Yeah, like my 447 00:29:38.000 --> 00:29:42.119 thing is, like I was going with this, like Oh, I thought 448 00:29:42.160 --> 00:29:45.160 about in the past, like your birthday is just a day. You're born, 449 00:29:45.920 --> 00:29:51.799 obviously, but like the celebrates kind of weird because you're you're aging regardless. 450 00:29:52.559 --> 00:29:56.480 At what point do we put that time like on the count or say 451 00:29:56.519 --> 00:29:57.160 hey, you know what I mean. At what point can we just say 452 00:29:57.160 --> 00:30:00.799 look, you're an asshole and we don't want to celebrate you being alone. 453 00:30:00.960 --> 00:30:03.440 Just that just you're just aging. Like as a as a world, we 454 00:30:03.559 --> 00:30:07.640 decide, you know what, like we should have months and days. Well, 455 00:30:07.839 --> 00:30:10.119 let's let's be honest. My my mom's the one who did all the 456 00:30:10.160 --> 00:30:15.720 work that day. Yeah, yeah, it's it's it's fucking weird to think 457 00:30:15.799 --> 00:30:19.160 about. Maybe celebrate the milestones, but like, I'm not coming to your 458 00:30:21.039 --> 00:30:22.759 second birthday. Celebrate that, like yeah, Oh yeah, once you, 459 00:30:22.839 --> 00:30:26.880 once you hit thirty, I think you've got thirty and then fifty and then 460 00:30:26.920 --> 00:30:32.640 after that, like yeah, oh yeah, gotta eat all the pus you 461 00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:42.240 can get chucky at chucky cheese and the balls, just balls everywhere. I 462 00:30:42.279 --> 00:30:48.960 just think it's something very disgusting a fucking woman sliding her see across all the 463 00:30:48.000 --> 00:30:56.279 balls and just tripping slowly. If some old man's I don't know why I 464 00:30:56.319 --> 00:31:04.039 thought about that, I probably would not make it less unsanitary, because at 465 00:31:04.079 --> 00:31:11.599 least it's a bodily fluid. Those people are already shine their boots. Let's 466 00:31:12.680 --> 00:31:18.519 they're already fucking petrie dishes in those ball pits. Man, I'm amazed that 467 00:31:18.960 --> 00:31:26.799 any chucky cheese has survived the pandemic. Honestly, like the one over there, 468 00:31:26.680 --> 00:31:30.039 it really fucking did, the one by them all, like as soon 469 00:31:30.079 --> 00:31:33.920 as she was allowed to open up again. They were open and it was 470 00:31:33.960 --> 00:31:38.200 packed and I'm like, this is like the worst place you could possibly go 471 00:31:38.680 --> 00:31:41.880 as a broth. Oh even then, brother, they at least make you 472 00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:47.519 wear a man you're about to fuck me, but don't breathe on me. 473 00:31:49.519 --> 00:31:56.039 Hold your breath now I'm gonna hold you cover your mouth while I fucking. 474 00:31:56.160 --> 00:31:59.920 I don't want you breathing my same air while I lick your asshole for five 475 00:32:00.039 --> 00:32:05.200 the bucks like ship. I was about to say there's some assholet. It 476 00:32:05.240 --> 00:32:07.799 was like they do not cost fifty bucks. You son of a bit, 477 00:32:07.880 --> 00:32:13.640 shirking off this right now. You fucking for me. Gotta bring capitalism into 478 00:32:13.640 --> 00:32:15.200 this fuck.

Mike Vanderveen Profile Photo

Mike Vanderveen

Mr

Ex-junkie, convicted felon, stand up comic. In that order exactly.